You are hereForum
Register   |  Login
 Our books Forum
Minimize
 
  OurFirstNovel.com Forum  The Scratch Pad  Chapter 1  a suspensful opening [edited]
Previous Previous
 
Next Disabled
New Post 6/26/2009 12:00 AM
  brandon
1 posts
No Ranking


a suspensful opening [edited] 
I stepped through the threshold, creaking in protest, the decade old wood called to me. Though i had taken my pills, the singing still played. "Ring around the rosy,pockets full of posy ,ashes,ashes, we all fall down." I brushed the thoght from my mind. Books,scrolls, and many of other things adorned the living room. At the far end of the room sat a mirror in a comfy Lazyboy. As I wiped a unusually shaped paper weight I sensed movement. Scanning the room, I drew my pistol. A .357 magnum..Whatever was coming wouldn't come for long. No movement. Was I being paranoid? No, I definetly saw something. Cautiosly moving across the room I clicked the safety off. Books....candles....nothing out of place. The perfect time for an ambush. Looking over to the mirror again i noticed something i didn't see before. It was glowing.Not a lot but still, it was glowing. It glowed a soft flickering light like that of a candle. I touched the gunsight to the glowing reflection and it rippled. Like a stone in water. Then, the reflection in a voice I knew as my own, said "Howdy". I fired 3 shots into the mirror to no avail. The mirror morphed and that nice candle light turned blood red and a very hideous creature appeared from it's firey threshold. I muttered a twelve letter word not meant for print.
 
New Post 7/22/2009 12:08 AM
  jean
2 posts
No Ranking


Re: a suspensful opening [edited] 

I like it, actually. I think editing it one more time would be good, the last line is almost a closing line but I thought there was still going to be a bit more.

 
Previous Previous
 
Next Disabled
  OurFirstNovel.com Forum  The Scratch Pad  Chapter 1  a suspensful opening [edited]